For my money, or at least within my limited experience, Spanish is the most beautiful and romantic language in the world. It even surpasses its cousin, Italian, because it’s more focused and less overactive. Forget French despite its wealth of literature and poetry. By and large the French despise foreigners who essay their precious tongue – unless they can speak it more or less perfectly. And German? Good luck with that if you can figure out how the verb at the end of the sentence to put. Well, I’m not going to list the candidates here and you’ll have your own favourites but every Colombian I’ve ever met is delighted to hear even an excruciating attempt at Spanish and that counts for a lot.
Spanish pronunciation is straightforward, particularly compared the to the tortures of English. Through. Threw. Would. Wood. And so on – as specifically designed to confuse Johnny Foreigner as the streets of Cartagena Old Town were laid out to baffle raiding English pirates. Sure, Spanish verbs are horrible. 14 tenses? But who really needs to learn more than the present, the pasts (perfect and imperfect) and the future to get the idea across and you’ll be fine with those unless you’re looking for a job as a linguistics professor. You might want to throw in a subjunctive now and then.
Naturally, different areas of Colombia have different accents and even words. The paisas of Medellin are clearer than the costeños of Barranquilla or Santa Marta, who cut whole syllables from their words. There, you might hear someone say e bu for el autobus. And they deliver words at a rate which would shame an AK47.
However, help is at hand. Learn these words and phrases. They’re the 60 second lesson:
Ah, bueno… entonces…
Ah, well then… Pretty much as meaningless in Spanish as it is in English and more like taking a breath… pausing…
Impresionante!
Awesome – to be spoken with unbounded enthusiasm.
No puedo creer!
I can’t believe it – but really more like I can NOT believe it!
No me digas!
Don’t tell me! Or You don’t say!
Interject any one of these in more or less the right place and you will amaze your fellow conversationalists. With a bit of luck, too, one or other of these phrases will keep their conversation flowing without you because Colombians love conversation. You can sit back and pretend to listen – itself an art; close observation will tell you when to smile, when to laugh, when to scowl and when to interject one of these precious phrases.
But beware! Never exclaim impresionante when someone has just told you their mother was run over by a bus yesterday.
You might also want to learn No se. (I don’t know.) Hopefully, your interlocutor will shake his or her head sadly and move on.
If you care to extend this lesson in perfect Spanish another 60 seconds or so, learn the gestures. They are extravagant, dramatic and utterly charming. Ask a Britisher, a German or a Scandinavian how far something is and you’ll be lucky if you get a reticent pointed finger along with the estimated distance. The pointed finger will not change in its drama whether you’re asking about the nearest shoe store (more of them per head of population in Colombia than anywhere else in the world, it seems) or the distance between Bogota and the moon. Ask a Colombian however and even if you can’t hear or don’t understand their spoken reply, the gesticulation will tell you everything. An upward sweeping motion of one or both arms with an accompanying shrug. By the speed and extent of the motion, you will know whether your object is within walking distance or needs a plane ticket.
If you get this far, who knows? Maybe the combination of Spanish’s poetic, mellifluous words and its mesmerizing sign language will persuade you to take classes. I wish I had a long, long time ago.